HAMELDON 1992

The weekend before the said "do", Peter and I were putting another
gearbox in the machine (third one in six months) plus a new battery.

During the week I spent a little time preparing my road motor
for its respray, so another cadge of the bosses Shogun was necessary
to tow the trailer.

Sunday, and into Lancashire for a Comp Safari at Hameldon Hill.
You know the route to the site with the tarmac hill to finish your
motor off. In front is Colin Worthington's Range Rover towing another
Range Rover on a trailer, Heather in her car, me in the Shogun and
trailer and Landrovers (in various states) behind (sorry Clive). Up goes
Colin without easing off and also Heather. I decided to go into low
ratio for the ascent. You know what's next, don't you? Colin decides
to stop two thirds up the hill, probably to go into low box, not a
pleasant happening for us lot behind, eh Colin? For those not good
at maths (or grammar? - Lynne) two thirds up a hill is almost one
third from the top (is this like the grand old Duke of York? Ed.).

We were scrutineered with the usual backhander, signed on and
went for a walk, but forgot to look at the first 25 yards. Fiona and I
watched a few motors go round and took note of the lack of traction
of some motors trying to get up the embankment. Back to the motor,
get strapped in etc., etc. and down to the start line queue. Eight runs
to go. I said to Fiona "What's on the other side of the hill?" We never
looked at that bit!

Red, amber, green, GO - up we go and down the other side.
WHOOPS!' I got that first corner right on the last lap. The motor was
leaping all over the place. The answer to this is 1) engage brain, 2) go
slower, not faster, over the slow bits, 3)go faster, 4) DON'T park in
bog holes. I didn't get a maximum (smart arse. Ed) but I admit that
14min 59 sec is close. I really enjoyed the course, even if my neck
didn't. Thanks Ian and helpers.

On the other side of the coin as it were, why is it that some
competitors turn up, compete and then sod off, without helping to
bring in sticks, bunting or arrows? I admit that I sometimes do the
above, but not often.

Thanks go to the landowner, clerk of course, marshals, timekeepers
and everybody who was there for a really good day.

I sneaked a look at the spray job on my road motor. It looks good.

That's all for now, tatty-bye

Michael Chaloner

MATTOCK'S REVENGE

As usual, preparations on the shed were done at the last minute to be
able to make it to Hameldon. I made Steve the offer of a drive, as he
had helped with the repairs from Tong, but he declined the offer, say-
ing he was getting far too old to compete in an open motor.

As per norm sunshine at home turned to wind and rain at Hamel-
don, so the first job was to put the waterproofs on. Steve had gone on
to Burnley to acquire a fanbelt from Rob Teague's shop. Through
scrutineering, and then fix the fanbelt. Time to walk the course. After
the first bit the juniors (Jon & James) were fed up (James was also
hobbling from falling off his motor bike the day before), so we returned
to the start whilst Steve walked on.

No point in hanging about any longer, time to do the first run.
Drivers were coming back saying that it was extremely muddy and
sticky in places. More by luck than management I managed to miss the
bad bits and was well pleased with a time within 10 sec of Rod.

On the second run I was not so lucky as I decided to go to the
wrong side of the first lot of mud and sink up to the cross members -
1st maximum.

Run 3 and no problem with the mud, but on reaching the top of
the banking some very strange noises came from the front end. Expec-
ting to grind to a halt at any time I take the next few yards cautiously.
The motor keeps going, so it's down the track and through the water.
AHHHHH!! Too fast - instant blindness (B----Y open motors). My eye-
sight returns by the time I reach the bottom of the track and enter the
"Trial Section". It's here that 1 realise what that horrible noise was. It
was the end of my front wheel drive! It would be a long walk back if I
got stuck down here, thinks I, so fingers crossed and foot down and
eventually it's across the finish line.

Front drive is restored by replacing the prop, the exhaust is re-fixed
and offi go again. Steve was still not fancying a ride in the passenger seat
until I was sure of getting him back to the finish.

The next two runs went well with my time going down to 8.05,
again within 10 sec of Rod. Steve was impressed and Rod had picked up
a maximum.

On the next run I came to grief along the first bit of field. On losing
all drive I started to check things. Firstly I checked whether it was in

high box - yes, in gear - yes, out of overdrive - no, the chuffing fire
extinguisher had come loose and knocked it into neutral - damn! Put
it back - and it stalls!! Blast - the battery is dead!! My 2nd maximum.

Well, 2 runs left and nothing to do but go out and enjoy them
(and see if I can get under Rod's time). Still no Steve - definitely
chicken! (Spring chicken is that? - Steve) Through the ploughed field,
down the ditch, around by the wall, up on to the first track, round
the hillock, through the wiggly bit, up on to the track, down to trial
(are you following this garbage? Lynne), up onto the moor, across the
rubbing board to the left hander with the finish in sight; someone with
a camera, get this corner right boy, yes, nice and tight, yes, foot down
no, no, no, the horizon is going to a funny angle, it'll be alright, the
wheels will drop back down any second, keep your foot down, no, no,
the motor's had enough, it's going to play at sun bathing by showing
its underbelly to the sky!! Guess what I said - oh dear!

Time to turn off the engine, release the safety belt (and fall on
my head) and clamber out gracefully (Never!! - Lynne) and prepare to
face the team manager elect. "It was a great run Steve, I was going
really well, it was definitely a fast time". He was not impressed. His
reply was "I'd just got my waterproofs ready for the last run, but
after that you can forget it!"

Forget I did after examining the smashed radiator, the rear axle
resting at a funny angle, dead battery and squashed fire extinguisher,
enough is enough!

lan Mattock, the clerk of the course, had a good laugh as he
called it revenge for my suggestion that he could be the first to retain
the Yorkshire Relic trophy. He who laughs last laughs longest. Time
will tell lan.

The bruises and aches have finally gone, the motor is resting
peacefully in Lynne's field (better than at the back door I suppose -
Lynne), awaiting an inspection and damage report and my wallet has
gone into self destruct mode!!

Thanks to lan for setting out an excellent, testing course, where
speed was not everything, but survival was.

Rob

GAWSWORTH 92

Easter hols and nowhere to go!! - must be something on! Rob (our
esteemed Ed.) announces that he is off to the Lakes. Can we cope
without him? - of course we can! Anyway Stephen uses his power of
persuasion and Boss and Andrea agree to go. Michael and Heather and
Peter and Fiona will be there, so it is looking OK!!

Saturday morning and it's p-----g down. Undaunted, the kids and

I load the caravan and leave Stephen to put the motor on Rob's trailer.
When I see where he is intending to load up I suggest that he takes it
off the hill, as the ramps are nearly vertical!! I am then engaged to
reverse the van and trailer. "OK" says Steve, "that'll do!" - 1 was doubt-
ful, but far be it from me to argue! Stephen drives it on, except, that
there's a decidedly sideways lean - the motor slips sideways until the
rear wheel is just hanging on. No way back at all!! Eventually Schoie
(at the tender age of 14) suggests taking it off frontwards. Well you
can imagine the jacking up involved. By this time we're thoroughly
p----d off and soaked to the skin - a good start. Hitched up again I
drive the trailer (minus motor) on to the flat. Stephen arrives with the
motor and gets out. "You drive it on then". This I do with ease and
eventually we set off and arrive at Gawsworth some time later, to be
faced with a very steep hill up onto the site.

I got up with Rob's V6 and caravan using low box, only to get
bogged down on the grass (Stephen had long since disappeared some-
where down the hill). Fortunately Michael and Peter came to my
rescue (I'd forgotten all about freewheeling hubs!!). Anyway I park
the caravan while my rescuers went off to find Stephen. He eventually
appeared behind a friendly Discovery driver (come back Rob, all is
forgiven). In the meantime Fiona came to my aid with a cup of coffee
and a spirit level. Peter said he would go and get the motor scrutineered
so, with much laughter, off he went. Imagine his surprise when it passed
apart from one low in pressure tyre!

Michael invited us to his caravan for drinks later on, so after we
had settled in, had tea and got the kids off to bed, we emerged into
the darkness. Now all I did was follow the red (poetic licence) light -
to the wrong van! Peter was child minding and not wanting to leave
him on his own we stayed - sorry Michael.

Next morning Boss and Andrea arrived just in time for scrutineer-
ing as usual. Off they all went, with Peter double entering Stephen's
motor (I don't think he ever got the hang of its peculiarities!). The
trial certainly caused a lot of muttering - "Bl---y canes" and some-
thing about "Bl---y Coilers" - but I had an enjoyable day. Several cricket
scores (which I won't dwell on) later Michael appeared with another
invitation (or was it a threat?) "Drinks in OUR van tonight".Naturally
we did as we were told and well worth it was too!! Sole charge of a
wine box and supper too!! But oh! How I suffered the next morning.

Thoroughly hung over 1 somehow staggered round the comp
course until it was time to pack up and go home. All hitched up (yes
I had to load the motor on to the trailer) and off we go. Well we
managed to get to the gate and onto the main road! Then Rob's V6,
that I'm towing the caravan with, died! Stephen pulled in behind
followed by baby Boss (Dean does not like being called that - he says

he's bigger than Boss. Ed). They diagnosed fuel pump (but what did
they know? Ed), so there was nothing to do but swap motors about
and tow it home (sounds easy, but it meant swopping all the road
tyres off the V6 onto the trial motor).

Anyway I went off to turn the van and trailer round (as you all
know by now Stephen cannot reverse with a trailer, he's not that good
without!) while Stephen unhitched the caravan. Next unload the motor
At this point the throttle stuck wide open on the trialler never to work
again.

So there we were with two dead motors, a trailer, a caravan and
an enormous van. After much thought (?) we decided the only way was
for me, and the two girls, to tow the caravan home with the van and
go straight back for the trailer, leaving Stephen and the two boys to
try and resurrect one of the Landrovers.

So, off I went, arrived home, unhitched the caravan, dumped the
two kids and turned straight round. Nine forty five back at Gawsworth
and Stephen is still faffing about.

Eventually we towed the trial motor home at a steady 25 miles
an hour (any faster and it shook itself to bits!), abandoning the V6
and trailer! We finally got home at 1-15am, a round trip of nine hours.
Was it worth it? Definitely - despite it all we had a great weekend,
thanks to the L&C organisation and to the hospitality of the Chaloners
and Unwins. Many thanks to all.

It certainly was quite an EVENT!!

Lynne (I'm bidding for the manager's job!) Oliver.

P.S. Stephen and Rob recovered the V6 and Trailer on Tuesday
evening. It wasn't the fuel pump at all. It was the timing gear (I think.
Ed)

Rob, perhaps next time you'd better come with us to keep an eye on
your motor (it certainly wasn't the same without you!!!!!!!!) (I had
a great time in the Lakes. Ed)

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